Top 16 Bands You Don't Know That You Should

16. Regina Spektor

Check Out: Her radio friendly infectious single “Fidelity”

For Fans Of: Piano pop and bands like Ben Folds

15. M. Ward

Check Out: His folk-laden LP Post-War

For Fans Of: Bright Eyes; She & Him; My Morning Jacket

14. We Are the Physics

Check Out: Their abrasive album We Are the Physics are OK at Music

For Fans Of: The Blood Brothers; The Matches; The Faint

13. Simon Joyner

Check Out: His “best of” album Beautiful Losers

For Fans Of: Tranquil folk music; Bob Dylan, Calexico, Iron and Wine, Bright Eyes

12. Dogs Die in Hot Cars

Check Out: The unexpectedly addictive “Lounger,” on their full length Please Describe Yourself

For Fans Of: pop-rock with catchy melodies and solid lyrics

11. The Wombats

Check Out: Their debut full length A Guide to Love, Loss, and Desperation

For Fans Of: CSS; Dogs Die in Hot Cars; dancey pop-rock

10. Ozma

Check Out: The seminal, pivotal History of Rock and Roll, Part 3

For Fans Of: Weezer; nerd rock

9. Rediscover

Check Out: “Baby Got Her Gun Out” from their EP Call Me When You Get This

For Fans Of: trendy, super danceable synth rock

8. Kiss Kiss

Check Out: Their debut album Reality vs. The Optomist

For Fans Of: Cursive; Murder by Death; cross-genre art rock with violins

7. Tokyo Police Club

Check Out: Their debut mini-LP, the seven song A Lesson in Crime

For Fans Of: Canadian indie rock; Los Campesinos!; Saddle Creek Records

6. Tally Hall

Check Out: The bonus track version of Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum

For Fans Of: They Might Be Giants, catchy rock

5. Cold War Kids

Check Out: The infectious jam “Saint John” on their debut Robbers and Cowards

For Fans Of: rhythmic piano; unique drum beats; get stuck in your head melodies

4. Fourth of July

Check Out: On The Plains, available on Range Life Records

For Fans Of: Bright Eyes, The Violent Femmes

3. Capgun Coup

Check Out: Brought to You by Nebraskafish, availble for free at http://library.team-love.com

For Fans Of: The Violent Femmes, Bright Eyes, folk-punk

2. Los Campesinos!

Check Out: Their newest record, We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

For Fans Of: uber-danceable punk rock; Welsh accents; subtle violins; brilliant lyrics;

1. Tilly and the Wall

Check Out: Their debut on Team Love Records, Wild Like Children

For Fans Of: Saddle Creek Records; clapping; good times; tap dancing; hula parties

Top 15 Albums of the 1990s

15. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Smashing Pumpkins

14. Follow the Leader, KoRn

13. Recovering the Satellites, Counting Crows

12. Mellow Gold, Beck

11. Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette

10. Ten, Pearl Jam

9. (What's The Story) Morning Glory, Oasis

8. Yourself or Someone Like You, Matchbox 20

7. Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Red Hot Chili Peppers

6. Sublime, Sublime

5. Tragic Kingdom, No Doubt

4. Dookie, Green Day

3. Flood, They Might Be Giants

2. Pinkerton, Weezer

1. Nevermind, Nirvana

Top 10 Unfilmable Novels

Shank, the only reason I graduated college, always said The Great Gatsy couldn't be filmed and capture the greatness. I agree. It's #1. Check out what's on the rest of the list. These are books (or works of literature) that can't be filmed well, even though some of these already have movies based on them. Those movies are probably awful (See numbers 9, 7, and 1, especially).

10. Rant, Chuck Palahniuk
9. The Metamorphasis, Franz Kafka
8. The Bible, God (or Various Authors, depending on your beliefs)
7. Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes
6. The Death of Superman, Various Authors
5. Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon
4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
3. Ulysses, James Joyce
2. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
1. The Great Gatsy, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Top 10 Bands That Proved Punk Is Dead

Yes, I listen to a lot of "pop punk". But let's be real. Some of them are really good. Others, not really. These? FUCKING AWFUL. And to be totally honest, my heart cries when I hear a lot of these. I don't have the time to expand on it now, but I will, because some of these are not total crapshoots and deserve some explanations.

Enjoy.

10. Good Charlotte
9. Yellowcard
8. Panic! at the Disco
7. The Donnas
6. Bowling for Soup
5. Hawthorne Heights
4. Simple Plan
3. Fall Out Boy
2. Paramore
1. Avril Lavigne

Top 10 Hip Hop Songs After 2000 That Proved Rap Is Dead

Big ups to Allen Cox, he challenged me to this list. And I delivered. Suck on that, friends!

10. Back Then, Mike Jones
2005 really was a more innocent time. A time when some meathead dumbass could release an album with his name in the title (Who is Mike Jones?) and slap together a couple of verses and attach it to an overly self-indulgent chorus, and we, as American rap consumers,

9. My Humps, Black Eyed Peas
Sweet lordy, I hate the Black Eyed Peas. One of my biggest musical pet peaves is groups that survived based on having a hot woman in them. (I’m looking at you, No Doubt post Tragic Kingdom). Fergie is that essential piece to the Black Eyed Peas that took them from generic suck rap group to famous suck rap group. Oh yeah, this song sounds like it was a rough draft by one of my 7th grade students. For example:

What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What you gon' do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I'm a make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream.

I mean, come on. And that was on the radio for damn near forever!

8. Right Thurr, Chingy
This set us all down a slippery slope, and hits all of the checklist. Butchering of syllables? Check. Simple rhymes based on genetalia and the stackedness of women? Check. Random changes of subject matter due to lack of rhyming words or words that can’t be altered? Check. Evan dying inside every time he hears it? Check-fucking-plus.

7. Crank That, Soulja Boy Tell Em
This is another song that appeals to the new trend of a small, minimal beat stuck on repeat. There really isn’t any difference between the verses and the choruses, and it’s hard to tell where one starts and the other ends or begins or who the Hell even knows. A lot of this song’s popularity is related to the fact that it has an equally retarded dance going along with it. Sort of like The Hustle, except even more annoying somewhere. I doubt the next generation will be cranking that soulja boy at roller rinks, though.

6. Lollipop, Lil Wayne
Oh, how I hate Lil Wayne. Actually, that’s not totally true. He’s great on Around the Horn and in ESPN The Magazine. And his tattoos on his face crack me up. I mean, how gangster does he think he is? Well, he’s gonna sing this one, with loads of vocoder (see T. Pain for more detail). Some of it reads like he’s trying to see how much he can get away with and still sell a gagillion records.

5. Laffy Taffy, D4L
This was the song that proved to me that you can take any word in the English language, slur it, put it over a fake 8-bit beat, and vaguely that it means the rear end of women, and BAM! summer time hit that every idiot in America will repeat endlessly.

4. London Bridges, Fergie
Fergie’s second appearance on this list. I’m not sure who told her she can rap. Probably dudes that wanted to plow her. She can’t rap. But with the Black Eyed Peas, when she was on stage with a dude who looked like a horse, you let it slide, cause she’s good looking (Remember, she has humps). However, throw her up on a track alone, and the verbal diarrhea combined with awful rhymes and a bland beat she jacked from Gwen Stefani’s house, and here we are.

3. American Life, Madonna
Madonna. Rapping. And yes, she was serious. Enough said.

2. Buy You A Drank, T. Pain
When we’re being totally honest, this is not the worst song on this list. Nor is it the second worst. BUT you must take into account the influence some songs have over the genre, and T. Pain has introduced hip hop to the vocoder, which mainstream media has dubbed “auto-tune”. Now, that’s incorrect because an auto-tune changes your pitch to match another pitch (tuning it), but the vocoder makes your voice shifty and wavy. It’s the same effect that makes Frampton’s guitar “talk”. That’s right folks. T. Pain has more in common with Framton Comes Alive that you’ll ever know. And know he’s introduced a whole slew of shitty faux-rappers to this technology so they can throw down on slow down R&B tracks to baby mamas and general whores that they encounter. Thanks, T. Pain.

1. Big Pimpin’, Jay-Z
When I heard this song, it hit me. Jay-Z, for all intents and purposes, was dead. The HOVA, the man who wore his cap real low and wouldn’t let you search his trunk, the man who had all that dirt on his shoulder, he was no more. He was churning out shitty summer rap hits. I swear, to this day, I hear this song, and the pseudo-white suburban teenager in me dies a little more.

Top 10 Live Albums

Live music, as I've said before, is the best music. Often, when it's recorded, it's terrible. It's hard to really capture a live event that can be so visual onto an audio medium. Sometimes, it comes out amazing. These following albums are all must haves.

10. Hair: Debatable, Atom and His Package
Top Tracks: Shopping Spree, Punk Rock Academy

9. Our Live Album is Better Than Your Live Album, Reel Big Fish
Top Tracks: S.R. (The Many Versions Of), Kiss Me Deadly

8. Rock Spectacle, Barenaked Ladies
Top Tracks: Brian Wilson, The Old Apartment

7. Viva Wisconsin Violent Femmes
Top Tracks: Add It Up, Kiss Off

6. Frampton Comes Alive, Peter Frampton
Top Tracks: Jumpin Jack Flash, Do You Feel Like We Do

5. Live at San Quentin, Charles Manson
Top Tracks: So The Mood Was Broken, Television Mind

4. The Last Waltz , The Band
Top Tracks: The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, I Shall Be Released

3. Live at Leeds , The Who
Top Tracks: My Generation, Tattoo

2. Mtv Presents: Nirvana Unplugged, Nirvana
Top Tracks: All Apologies, Something in the Way

1. Live at Folsom Prison, Johnny Cash
Top Tracks: Folsom Prison Blues, Cocaine Blues

Honorable Mentions: Unplugged, Jay-Z; Bullet in a Bible, Green Day;

Top 10 Rolling Stones Songs

Number 2 in the 1960s-1970s "Big 3"; behind The Beatles, ahead of The Who. Comments encouraged.

10. Losing My Touch
9. Gimme Shelter
8. Under My Thumb
7. Sympathy For the Devil
6. Angie
5. You Can’t Always Get What You Want
4. Mother’s Little Helper
3. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction
2. Jumpin’ Jack Flash
1. Paint It Black

Top 10 Fast Food Chains

Only rule: no pizza allowed. I consider pizza chains to be their own entity. So, without further ado...

10. McDonald’s
This is only on here because of its breakfast. Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit: count it. Sausage Egg McMuffin: Count it. And now they have McCafe, which aside from being a gay name, does have a decent frozen Mocha drink, which I’m a fan of.

9. Subway
I don’t actually like Subway, but this is a total nostalgia thing. I spent a lot of nights very drunk, sobering up on Subway vegetarian subs. They’re always cheap, efficient, and delicious, though. I love their American cheese. Yum yum.

8. Burger King
Lately, Burger King has been selling “burger shots”, which is like little cheeseburgers. Definitely good. Out of the three major burger chains, I think Burger King has the best cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes. They’re other food is highly suspect, however.

7. A&W
I hadn’t had A&W food until I got to college, but I ate there maybe four times a week for pretty much three straight years. I haven’t seen any in New York, but their burgers are better than McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s, plus they sell delicious hot dogs. Unfortunately, their menu is very limited and their french fries and other items are not so great.

6. Wendy’s
Wendy’s has a fantastic dollar menu, but best of all, has good salads, baked potatoes, and is the only one of the big three to offer a cheap bacon cheeseburger. They also will make you a vegetarian burger (a regular cheeseburger without the meat), and charge you a dollar. Despite eating meat again, I still sometimes order that and then laugh at the ridiculousness.

5. Popeye’s Chicken
If this list were longer, KFC would be number 11. But it’s not. And Popeye’s blows KFC out of the water. In all honestly, I ate KFC today and wished it was Popeye’s. They have a better menu, and you don’t have to order food you don’t want to get food you do want, like at KFC. Also, the mashed potatoes and chicken are just plain better.

4. Taco Bell
Name one college student who doesn’t eat here once every two months or more. Best Taco Bell order, ever: “Give me all the Taco Bell you can, as fast as you can, for 20 dollars.” -- A drunk Matt Kessler.

3. Arby’s
A unique chain who’s food is unrivaled in the community. There really aren’t any here in New York, which is one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. I love Arby’s roast beef, but not real roast beef sandwiches, which makes me question what Arby’s roast beef is made out of.

2. Jimmy John’s
Quizno’s and Subway would love to lick Jimmy John’s ass. If you live near one, please, for the love of God, go enjoy it. I prefer the Italian sandwich, personally, of course with kettle chips and usually two of their pickles. They pickles are unequaled across the earth.

1. Chipotle
Maybe you don’t consider them a fast food chain, but I don’t care. I take subway rides out of my way to get it. In Kent, I’d eat it four times a week. In New York it’s usually only two. I mean, it’s relatively cheap, definitely fast, and is better than any “real” Mexican restaurant I’ve ever been in. Fight me over it, I dare you.

Top 15 Current Baseball Players: A Dream Team

The rules: One player per field position, five starting pitchers, and one closer. Please submit your own. I got Mighty Mike Burdette's, but I'd love to hear your's. Side note, I think I was okay with only taking a few Mets.

C: Russell Martin (Los Angeles Dodgers)
1B: Albert Pujols (Saint Louis Cardinals)
2B: Dustin Pedroia (Boston Red Sox)
SS: Jose Reyes (New York Mets)
3B: Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays)
LF: Alfonso Soriano (Chicago Cubs)
CF: Grady Sizemore (Cleveland Indians)
RF: Nick Markakis (Baltimore Orioles)
DH: Ryan Howard (Philadelphia Phillies)

SP: Johan Santana (New York Mets)
SP: CC Sabathia (New York Yankees)
SP: Roy Halladay (Toronto Blue Jays)
SP: Felix Hernandez (Seattle Mariners)
SP: Jake Peavy (San Diego Padres)
CL: Francisco Rodriguez (New York Mets)

Top 10 Hip Hop Artists That Are Saving the Genre

This list serves as a foil to the list about hip hop artists who are killing the genre. Please download these artists, but their albums, go to their shows, wear their shirts, etc. Google their names for Myspaces, etc.

10. MC Homeless
He might just be on here because I was good friends with him and played in an amazing grindcore band with him. Or maybe it’s because he can rock spoken word, has a quick delivery, and despite being a lo-fi, friendly, and approachable guy, has some really good beats behind his tracks, and actually writes some pretty good lyrics. He’s out in L.A. now, and I hope he takes the entire city in his fist. They’ll all fall for him when they hear Champagne Wishes, which fantastically samples The Smith’s How Soon is Now?.

9. MC Lars
He calls himself post-punk laptop rap. There’s a lot to admire about MC Lars. He’s a Stanford grad. He still lives with his parents in the Bay Area. He uses a lot of pop-punk in his beats. Each album features a song about a famous literary work (So farThe Raven, Moby Dick, and Hamlet have been done). He also has a great sense for sampling, and can really turn a pop or rock song into a great hip hop beat. He also tours almost exclusively with punk bands, bringing new kids to the genre. He certainly wouldn’t make a “Top 10 Rappers” list, but he’s certainly saving the genre, by giving hip hop new victims.

8. MC Chris
MC Chris is really in the same boat as MC Lars. Though he’s a much better rapper than MC Lars, technically speaking, anyway, he wouldn’t make a Top 10 Rappers list by a long shot. He does, however, have massive exposure to kids who probably don’t listen to hip hop via appearances on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He’s really like the Jesus of Nerd Core rap, which is a section of rap that really has an exclusive set of fans, meaning many Nerd Core fans don’t listen to main stream, and many main stream fans wouldn’t ever listen to Nerd Core.

7. Immortal Technique
He’s too dirty to be mainstream, but good Lord, can Immortal Technique rap, and write. As a man who grew up in Harlem, he has a chip on his shoulder towards the White, Republican majority that has power in the USA. His raps are equal parts “gangsta” profanity and Harvard level political discourse. One song includes both of the lines “Bust off on her face, and right after this segment, she’ll probably rub it in her pussy to try to get herself pregnant” and “Shallow mercenary, I don’t care how I get richer, like American companies that did business with Hitler”. It’s the juxtaposition that makes him so fantastic.

6. Aesop Rock
Aesop Rock has one of the best hip hop albums of all time, regardless of qualifications for the list. Labor Days was so fantastic that I never thought I’d listen to another CD again after I heard it for the first time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep up the pace and has released some duds. To be honest, his sports equivalent would be Manny Ramirez. Sure, he’s way past his prime now, but a few years ago he was theonly game in town, and redefined the game. Aesop Rock may have fallen off by now, but Labor Days lives on.

5. Sage Francis
Sage really doesn’t have one really solid album, but has a fantastic album’s worth of songs spread out over a couple of discs. A Healthy Distrust does have maybe 8 really good songs on it, though. The reason he’s this high is because he really is the forefront of both DIY hip hop and political focus. He was also the first rapper signed to Epitaph Records, a legendary punk record label. I’d credit a lot of this merger between scene/punk and hip hop is because a lot of kids saw this guy they’d never heard of on Epitaph, and decided to pick up his album, and proceeded to love it. He also played Warped Tour, a legendary punk tour, furthering his merger with punk rock, despite not really having any punk traces in his music.

4. Atmosphere / Slug
Atmosphere is a group. Slug is Atmosphere’s MC. Ant is the producer. Don’t point at Sean and say “Hey, there’s Atmosphere!”. I’ll hit you. And he’s like 7 feet tall. He’ll hit you, too. But Slug and Ant, known as Atmosphere, really invented “emo rap”, which a lot of people really hate. Unlike Aesop Rock, Atmosphere never really had a grand slam album, but their importance is really related to longevity. Atmosphere has maybe a dozen songs that are totally off the chart amazing, but that’s spread out over dozens of albums. God Loves Ugly is usually cited as their best, and I’d have to agree.

3. Kanye West
Come on, let me hear it. You fucking hate Kanye? Heartless is a terrible song? First off, no, it’s not, you just have a close minded taste in music. Second, Kanye is by far the most important and controversial name in hip hop right now, and rather than churn out generic shit rap hits (I’m looking at you, Lil Wayne), he has continued to try different things, progress, and evolve. I love all of Kanye’s music, and love that he mixes up genres, collaborates, and keeps everything fresh. Add in the influence he’s had over style the past few years, and you can’t argue with his impact at all. Go ahead, tell me that you don’t like his music. I don’t care. You’re just unrefined.

2. Mickey Avalon
It’s tough to talk about Mickey Avalon. He’s probably the new generation of “gangsta” rap. Except, while he’s rapping about fucking your bitch, he’s telling true tales about being a gay prostitute. He’s very, very witty, and has a unique, slowed delivery that really sets him apart from others in the genre. Please download his self-titled album and enjoy it, like I have.

1. Ceschi Ramos
I’ve also played on the same stage as him, but that has nothing to do with it. Ceschi might be the most amazing musician on the planet. I could name ten of his bands, each with a different genre, and each album amazing. His albums are completely cross genre, with some songs touching on jazz, metal, alternative rock, reggae, and even folk (including a song, Optical Illusion, that is completely a folk tune, including mandolin and egg shaker). His album They Hate Francisco False really should be the album of the year for ever year until he releases a new full length. I guarantee you’d love it if you’d listen to it. He packs speed (he can rap faster than you can hear), unbelievable lyrics (better than at least half of the Poet Laureates, no hyperbole, I swear), and musical diversity (pick a genre, he raps / sings / and plays it). Oh, he also has a huge group of incredibly talented friends that like to help out.