Top 10 Songs By Letter, A-Z

A
10. ADIDAS, KoRn
9. Agony in Her Body, Sage Francis
8. Anyway You Want It, Journey
7. All Along the Watchtower, The Jimi Hendrix Experience
6. Add It Up, The Violent Femmes
5. Ana Ng, They Might Be Giants
4. Album of the Year, The Good Life
3. Art is Hard, Cursive
2. Across the Sea, Weezer
1. Ace of Spades, Motorhead

B
10. Barbie Girl, Aqua
9. Billie Jean, Michael Jackson
8. Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden
7. Baby, I Like It Raw, Ol’ Dirty Bastard
6. Be My Yoko Ono, Barenaked Ladies
5. Basketcase, Green Day
4. Baby It’s Cold Outside, Tom Jones
3. Ballroom Blitz, Sweet
2. Baby Got Back, Sir Mix-A-Lot
1. Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

C
10. C-C-C-C Cinnamon Lips, Ok Go
9. Caress Me Down, Sublime
8. Closer, Nine Inch Nails
7. Come On Eileen, Dexy’s Midnight Runners
6. Closing Time, Semisonic
5. Cop Killer, Body Count
4. Cum on Feel the Noize, Quiet Riot
3. The Calendar Hung Itself, Bright Eyes
2. Centerfold, J. Geil’s Band
1. Come Together, The Beatles

D
10. Days Go By, Dirty Vegas
9. Dead Man’s Party, Oingo Boingo
8. Dry the Rain, The Beta Band
7. Dammit, Blink 182
6. Don’t Come Around Here No More, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
5. Dr. Feelgood, Motley Crue
4. The Distance, Cake
3. Drain You, Nirvana
2. Debaser, Pixies
1. Dirt Off Your Shoulder, Jay-Z

E
10. Enter Sandman, Metallica
9. The End, The Doors
8. Epic, Faith No More
7. Everybody Wants to Rule the World, Tears for Fears
6. Eternal Flame, Atomic Kitten
5. Evolve, Ani DiFranco
4. Eye of the Tiger, Survivor
3. El Scorcho, Weezer
2. Even Flow, Pearl Jam
1. Eleanor Rigby, The Beatles

F
10. Fake Palindromes, Andrew Bird
9. Fight For Your Right, Beastie Boys
8. Fat Bottomed Girls, Queen
7. Flagpole Sitta, Harvey Danger
6. Freshman, The Verve Pipe
5. Fuck Tha Police, N.W.A.
4. Free Fallin’, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
3. Fast Car, Tracy Chapman
2. Folsom Prison Blues, Johnny Cash
1. Faith, George Michael

G
10. Gin and Juice, Snoop Dogg
9. Goodnight Goodnight, Hot Hot Heat
8. God Save the Queen, The Sex Pistols
7. God Called In Sick Today, AFI
6. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life), Green Day
5. Gold Digger, Kanye West
4. Glycerine, Bush
3. Good Vibrations, The Beach Boys
2. Guerilla Radio, Rage Against the Machine
1. Gangsta’s Paradise, Coolio

H
10. Here I Go Again, Whitesnake
9. Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley
8. Hello, Lionel Richie
7. Hey Jude, The Beatles
6. How Soon is Now?, The Smiths
5. Helter Skelter, The Beatles
4. Hurt, Johnny Cash
3. Heroes, David Bowie
2. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
1. Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Beatles

I
10. I Believe in a Thing Called Love, The Darkness
9. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, The Rolling Stones
8. I Ran, A Flock of Seagulls
7. I Love Rock ‘N Roll, Joan Jett
6. I’m Too Sexy, Right Said Fred
5. I Melt With You, Modern English
4. I Am the Walrus, The Beatles
3. Ignition (Remix), R. Kelly
2. I Touch Myself, The Divynls
1. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), The Proclaimers

J
10. Jump, Kriss Kross
9. Jump Around, House of Pain
8. Just A Girl, No Doubt
7. Just What I Needed, The Cars
6. Judy is a Punk, The Romones
5. Jane Fonda, Mickey Avalon
4. Jeremy, Pearl Jam
3. Jerry Was a Racecar Driver, Primus
2. Jane Says, Jane’s Addiction
1. Jolene, Dolly Parton

K
10. Kennedy, Kill Hannah
9. Kick Out the Jams, The Presidents of the United States of America
8. Knowledge, Operation Ivy
7. Korobeiniki (The Tetris Song), Ozma
6. Kiss Me, Sixpence None the Richer
5. Kiss Me, Son of God, They Might Be Giants
4. Killing Me Softly, The Fugees
3. Kiss Off, The Violent Femmes
2. Karma Police, Radiohead
1. Killer Queen, Queen

L
10. Las Cruces Jail, Two Gallants
9. Light My Fire, The Doors
8. Land Down Under, Men at Work
7. Last Nite, The Strokes
6. Last Caress, The Misfits
5. Lover I Don’t Have to Love, Bright Eyes
4. Last Train to Clarksville, The Monkees
3. Layla, Eric Clapton
2. Lola, The Kinks
1. Let it Be, The Beatles

M
10. Message in a Bottle, Neva Dinova
9. Makeshift Patriot, Sage Francis
8. Man of Constant Sorrow, Norman Blake
7. Metro, Berlin
6. Mambo No. 5, Lou Bega
5. My Sharona, The Knack
4. Mr. Jones, Counting Crows
3. Maggie’s Farm, Bob Dylan
2. Master of Puppets, Metallica
1. My Generation, The Who

N
10. NiggyTardust, Saul Willaims
9. Nobody’s Darlings, Lucero
8. Notes in His Pockets, The Good Life
7. Nothing But a G Thang, Dr. Dre
6. No Action, Elvis Costello
5. Night of the Living Dead, Tilly and the Wall
4. No Regrets, Aesop Rock
3. New York, New York, Frank Sinatra
2. Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O’Connor
1. November Rain, Guns N Roses

O
10. Ocean Breathes Salty, Modest Mouse
9. Oh No, Gogol Bordello
8. Only in Dreams, Weezer
7. Orange Crush, R.E.M.
6. Orgasm Addict, The Buzzcocks
5. Obnoxious, Immortal Technique
4. Only Happy When It Rains, Garbage
3. The Old Apartment, Barenaked Ladies
2. Off the Record, My Morning Jacket
1. On the Road Again, Willie Nelson

P
10. Putting on the Ritz, Taco
9. Problems and Bigger Ones, Harvey Danger
8. Planet, Schmanet, Janet, Tsunami Bomb
7. Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix
6. Pink Triangle, Weezer
5. Polly, Nirvana
4. Push, Matchbox 20
3. Piano Man, Billy Joel
2. The Passenger, Iggy Pop
1. Paint it Black, The Rolling Stones

Q
10. The Quitter, NOFX
9. Quiet as a Mouse, Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s
8. Que Suerte!, Cap’n Jazz
7. Question the Answer, Strike Anywhere
6. Quiet Houses, Fleet Foxes
5. Quit Yer Job, Chixdiggit
4. Question Mark, Eliott Smith
3. Quart in Session, NOFX
2. Queen of Pain, Alkaline Trio
1. Questions, Tommy Emannuel

R
10. Rapper’s Delight, Sugarhill Gang
9. Right Now, SR-71
8. Ruby Soho, Rancid
7. Roll On, The Living End
6. Roll to Me, Del Amitri
5. Red Red Wine, UB40
4. Rocket Man, Elton John
3. Rock the Casbah, The Clash
2. Rock Me Amadeus, Falco
1. Rock You Like a Hurricane, Scorpions

S
10. Safety Dance, Men Without Hats
9. Save Tonight, Eagle Eye Cherry
8. Seven Nation Army, The White Stripes
7. Sunday, Bloody Sunday, U2
6. Slow Motion, Third Eye Blind
5. Sabotage, The Beastie Boys
4. Summer of ’69, Bryan Adams
3. Stronger, Kanye West
2. Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows, Lesley Gore
1. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Beatles

T
10. Tainted Love, Soft Cell
9. Take on Me, A-Ha
8. Torn, Natalie Umbruglia
7. Teenage F.B.I., Guided By Voices
6. That Thing You Do!, New Found Glory
5. Tom’s Diner, Suzanne Vega
4. Teenagers, My Chemical Romance
3. Turning Japanese, The Vapors
2. Toxic, Britney Spears
1. Take the Skinheads Bowling, Camper Van Beethoven

U
10. Unity, Operation Ivy
9. The Ups and Downs, Ozma
8. Untitled, Blink 182
7. Until the End, The Nightwatchman (Tom Morello)
6. Unforgiven, Metallica
5. Undone (The Sweater Song), Weezer
4. Uptown Girl, Billy Joel
3. Untouchable Face, Ani DiFranco
2. Under the Bridge, Red Hot Chili Peppers
1. Under Pressure, David Bowie and Queen

V
10. Voyeur, Blink 182
9. Violent, The Faint
8. Verb: That’s What’s Happening, Moby
7. Vanilla Sex, NOFX
6. Vietnow, Rage Against the Machine
5. Vacation, The Go-Gos
4. Viva Las Vegas, Elvis Presley
3. Violent Love, Oingo Boingo
2. Vincent, Don McClean
1. Video Killed the Radio Star, The Bugles

W
10. Why Don’t You Get a Job?, The Offspring
9. Working for the Weekend, Loverboy
8. Why?, Andrew Bird
7. White Wedding, Billy Idol
6. What It’s Like, Everlast
5. White America, Eminem
4. Wrong Way, Sublime
3. Welcome to the Jungle, Guns N Roses
2. Where Is My Mind?, Pixies
1. While My Guitar Gently Weeps, The Beatles

X
10. XO, Fall Out Boy
9. XR2, M.I.A.
8. XXX XOXOX, Norman Bailer
7. Xual Zan’s Heart, Non-Prophets
6. X-99, Limp
5. Xavia, The Submarines
4. Xokolat Orange, Indiephone
3. Xxplosive, Dr. Dre
2. Xanax, Maria Taylor
1. XXX, McCarthy Trenching

Y
10. Your Birthday Present, The Good Life
9. Yesterday, The Beatles
8. You Shook Me All Night Long, AC/DC
7. You Give Love a Bad Name, Bon Jovi
6. You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet, Bachman-Turner Overdrive
5. Yeah, Usher
4. You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette
3. You Can’t Always Get What Ya Want, The Rolling Stones
2. You Can Call Me Al, Paul Simon
1. You Spin Me Round, Dead or Alive

Z
10. Zombie Aesthetics, Vverevvolf Grehv
9. Zyclone B Bathhouse, NOFX
8. Zero-Sum, Nine Inch Nails
7. Zapata’s Blood (Live), Rage Against the Machine
6. Zapatista, Don’t Give Up, Anti-Flag
5. Zombies Walk (Kanye West Cover), Sufjan Stevens
4. Ziplock, Lit
3. Zoot Suit Riot, Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
2. Zombie, The Cranberries
1. Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie

Top 16 Bands You Don't Know That You Should

16. Regina Spektor

Check Out: Her radio friendly infectious single “Fidelity”

For Fans Of: Piano pop and bands like Ben Folds

15. M. Ward

Check Out: His folk-laden LP Post-War

For Fans Of: Bright Eyes; She & Him; My Morning Jacket

14. We Are the Physics

Check Out: Their abrasive album We Are the Physics are OK at Music

For Fans Of: The Blood Brothers; The Matches; The Faint

13. Simon Joyner

Check Out: His “best of” album Beautiful Losers

For Fans Of: Tranquil folk music; Bob Dylan, Calexico, Iron and Wine, Bright Eyes

12. Dogs Die in Hot Cars

Check Out: The unexpectedly addictive “Lounger,” on their full length Please Describe Yourself

For Fans Of: pop-rock with catchy melodies and solid lyrics

11. The Wombats

Check Out: Their debut full length A Guide to Love, Loss, and Desperation

For Fans Of: CSS; Dogs Die in Hot Cars; dancey pop-rock

10. Ozma

Check Out: The seminal, pivotal History of Rock and Roll, Part 3

For Fans Of: Weezer; nerd rock

9. Rediscover

Check Out: “Baby Got Her Gun Out” from their EP Call Me When You Get This

For Fans Of: trendy, super danceable synth rock

8. Kiss Kiss

Check Out: Their debut album Reality vs. The Optomist

For Fans Of: Cursive; Murder by Death; cross-genre art rock with violins

7. Tokyo Police Club

Check Out: Their debut mini-LP, the seven song A Lesson in Crime

For Fans Of: Canadian indie rock; Los Campesinos!; Saddle Creek Records

6. Tally Hall

Check Out: The bonus track version of Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum

For Fans Of: They Might Be Giants, catchy rock

5. Cold War Kids

Check Out: The infectious jam “Saint John” on their debut Robbers and Cowards

For Fans Of: rhythmic piano; unique drum beats; get stuck in your head melodies

4. Fourth of July

Check Out: On The Plains, available on Range Life Records

For Fans Of: Bright Eyes, The Violent Femmes

3. Capgun Coup

Check Out: Brought to You by Nebraskafish, availble for free at http://library.team-love.com

For Fans Of: The Violent Femmes, Bright Eyes, folk-punk

2. Los Campesinos!

Check Out: Their newest record, We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

For Fans Of: uber-danceable punk rock; Welsh accents; subtle violins; brilliant lyrics;

1. Tilly and the Wall

Check Out: Their debut on Team Love Records, Wild Like Children

For Fans Of: Saddle Creek Records; clapping; good times; tap dancing; hula parties

Top 15 Albums of the 1990s

15. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Smashing Pumpkins

14. Follow the Leader, KoRn

13. Recovering the Satellites, Counting Crows

12. Mellow Gold, Beck

11. Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette

10. Ten, Pearl Jam

9. (What's The Story) Morning Glory, Oasis

8. Yourself or Someone Like You, Matchbox 20

7. Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Red Hot Chili Peppers

6. Sublime, Sublime

5. Tragic Kingdom, No Doubt

4. Dookie, Green Day

3. Flood, They Might Be Giants

2. Pinkerton, Weezer

1. Nevermind, Nirvana

Top 10 Unfilmable Novels

Shank, the only reason I graduated college, always said The Great Gatsy couldn't be filmed and capture the greatness. I agree. It's #1. Check out what's on the rest of the list. These are books (or works of literature) that can't be filmed well, even though some of these already have movies based on them. Those movies are probably awful (See numbers 9, 7, and 1, especially).

10. Rant, Chuck Palahniuk
9. The Metamorphasis, Franz Kafka
8. The Bible, God (or Various Authors, depending on your beliefs)
7. Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes
6. The Death of Superman, Various Authors
5. Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon
4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
3. Ulysses, James Joyce
2. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
1. The Great Gatsy, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Top 10 Bands That Proved Punk Is Dead

Yes, I listen to a lot of "pop punk". But let's be real. Some of them are really good. Others, not really. These? FUCKING AWFUL. And to be totally honest, my heart cries when I hear a lot of these. I don't have the time to expand on it now, but I will, because some of these are not total crapshoots and deserve some explanations.

Enjoy.

10. Good Charlotte
9. Yellowcard
8. Panic! at the Disco
7. The Donnas
6. Bowling for Soup
5. Hawthorne Heights
4. Simple Plan
3. Fall Out Boy
2. Paramore
1. Avril Lavigne

Top 10 Hip Hop Songs After 2000 That Proved Rap Is Dead

Big ups to Allen Cox, he challenged me to this list. And I delivered. Suck on that, friends!

10. Back Then, Mike Jones
2005 really was a more innocent time. A time when some meathead dumbass could release an album with his name in the title (Who is Mike Jones?) and slap together a couple of verses and attach it to an overly self-indulgent chorus, and we, as American rap consumers,

9. My Humps, Black Eyed Peas
Sweet lordy, I hate the Black Eyed Peas. One of my biggest musical pet peaves is groups that survived based on having a hot woman in them. (I’m looking at you, No Doubt post Tragic Kingdom). Fergie is that essential piece to the Black Eyed Peas that took them from generic suck rap group to famous suck rap group. Oh yeah, this song sounds like it was a rough draft by one of my 7th grade students. For example:

What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What you gon' do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I'm a make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream.

I mean, come on. And that was on the radio for damn near forever!

8. Right Thurr, Chingy
This set us all down a slippery slope, and hits all of the checklist. Butchering of syllables? Check. Simple rhymes based on genetalia and the stackedness of women? Check. Random changes of subject matter due to lack of rhyming words or words that can’t be altered? Check. Evan dying inside every time he hears it? Check-fucking-plus.

7. Crank That, Soulja Boy Tell Em
This is another song that appeals to the new trend of a small, minimal beat stuck on repeat. There really isn’t any difference between the verses and the choruses, and it’s hard to tell where one starts and the other ends or begins or who the Hell even knows. A lot of this song’s popularity is related to the fact that it has an equally retarded dance going along with it. Sort of like The Hustle, except even more annoying somewhere. I doubt the next generation will be cranking that soulja boy at roller rinks, though.

6. Lollipop, Lil Wayne
Oh, how I hate Lil Wayne. Actually, that’s not totally true. He’s great on Around the Horn and in ESPN The Magazine. And his tattoos on his face crack me up. I mean, how gangster does he think he is? Well, he’s gonna sing this one, with loads of vocoder (see T. Pain for more detail). Some of it reads like he’s trying to see how much he can get away with and still sell a gagillion records.

5. Laffy Taffy, D4L
This was the song that proved to me that you can take any word in the English language, slur it, put it over a fake 8-bit beat, and vaguely that it means the rear end of women, and BAM! summer time hit that every idiot in America will repeat endlessly.

4. London Bridges, Fergie
Fergie’s second appearance on this list. I’m not sure who told her she can rap. Probably dudes that wanted to plow her. She can’t rap. But with the Black Eyed Peas, when she was on stage with a dude who looked like a horse, you let it slide, cause she’s good looking (Remember, she has humps). However, throw her up on a track alone, and the verbal diarrhea combined with awful rhymes and a bland beat she jacked from Gwen Stefani’s house, and here we are.

3. American Life, Madonna
Madonna. Rapping. And yes, she was serious. Enough said.

2. Buy You A Drank, T. Pain
When we’re being totally honest, this is not the worst song on this list. Nor is it the second worst. BUT you must take into account the influence some songs have over the genre, and T. Pain has introduced hip hop to the vocoder, which mainstream media has dubbed “auto-tune”. Now, that’s incorrect because an auto-tune changes your pitch to match another pitch (tuning it), but the vocoder makes your voice shifty and wavy. It’s the same effect that makes Frampton’s guitar “talk”. That’s right folks. T. Pain has more in common with Framton Comes Alive that you’ll ever know. And know he’s introduced a whole slew of shitty faux-rappers to this technology so they can throw down on slow down R&B tracks to baby mamas and general whores that they encounter. Thanks, T. Pain.

1. Big Pimpin’, Jay-Z
When I heard this song, it hit me. Jay-Z, for all intents and purposes, was dead. The HOVA, the man who wore his cap real low and wouldn’t let you search his trunk, the man who had all that dirt on his shoulder, he was no more. He was churning out shitty summer rap hits. I swear, to this day, I hear this song, and the pseudo-white suburban teenager in me dies a little more.

Top 10 Live Albums

Live music, as I've said before, is the best music. Often, when it's recorded, it's terrible. It's hard to really capture a live event that can be so visual onto an audio medium. Sometimes, it comes out amazing. These following albums are all must haves.

10. Hair: Debatable, Atom and His Package
Top Tracks: Shopping Spree, Punk Rock Academy

9. Our Live Album is Better Than Your Live Album, Reel Big Fish
Top Tracks: S.R. (The Many Versions Of), Kiss Me Deadly

8. Rock Spectacle, Barenaked Ladies
Top Tracks: Brian Wilson, The Old Apartment

7. Viva Wisconsin Violent Femmes
Top Tracks: Add It Up, Kiss Off

6. Frampton Comes Alive, Peter Frampton
Top Tracks: Jumpin Jack Flash, Do You Feel Like We Do

5. Live at San Quentin, Charles Manson
Top Tracks: So The Mood Was Broken, Television Mind

4. The Last Waltz , The Band
Top Tracks: The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, I Shall Be Released

3. Live at Leeds , The Who
Top Tracks: My Generation, Tattoo

2. Mtv Presents: Nirvana Unplugged, Nirvana
Top Tracks: All Apologies, Something in the Way

1. Live at Folsom Prison, Johnny Cash
Top Tracks: Folsom Prison Blues, Cocaine Blues

Honorable Mentions: Unplugged, Jay-Z; Bullet in a Bible, Green Day;

Top 10 Rolling Stones Songs

Number 2 in the 1960s-1970s "Big 3"; behind The Beatles, ahead of The Who. Comments encouraged.

10. Losing My Touch
9. Gimme Shelter
8. Under My Thumb
7. Sympathy For the Devil
6. Angie
5. You Can’t Always Get What You Want
4. Mother’s Little Helper
3. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction
2. Jumpin’ Jack Flash
1. Paint It Black

Top 10 Fast Food Chains

Only rule: no pizza allowed. I consider pizza chains to be their own entity. So, without further ado...

10. McDonald’s
This is only on here because of its breakfast. Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit: count it. Sausage Egg McMuffin: Count it. And now they have McCafe, which aside from being a gay name, does have a decent frozen Mocha drink, which I’m a fan of.

9. Subway
I don’t actually like Subway, but this is a total nostalgia thing. I spent a lot of nights very drunk, sobering up on Subway vegetarian subs. They’re always cheap, efficient, and delicious, though. I love their American cheese. Yum yum.

8. Burger King
Lately, Burger King has been selling “burger shots”, which is like little cheeseburgers. Definitely good. Out of the three major burger chains, I think Burger King has the best cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes. They’re other food is highly suspect, however.

7. A&W
I hadn’t had A&W food until I got to college, but I ate there maybe four times a week for pretty much three straight years. I haven’t seen any in New York, but their burgers are better than McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s, plus they sell delicious hot dogs. Unfortunately, their menu is very limited and their french fries and other items are not so great.

6. Wendy’s
Wendy’s has a fantastic dollar menu, but best of all, has good salads, baked potatoes, and is the only one of the big three to offer a cheap bacon cheeseburger. They also will make you a vegetarian burger (a regular cheeseburger without the meat), and charge you a dollar. Despite eating meat again, I still sometimes order that and then laugh at the ridiculousness.

5. Popeye’s Chicken
If this list were longer, KFC would be number 11. But it’s not. And Popeye’s blows KFC out of the water. In all honestly, I ate KFC today and wished it was Popeye’s. They have a better menu, and you don’t have to order food you don’t want to get food you do want, like at KFC. Also, the mashed potatoes and chicken are just plain better.

4. Taco Bell
Name one college student who doesn’t eat here once every two months or more. Best Taco Bell order, ever: “Give me all the Taco Bell you can, as fast as you can, for 20 dollars.” -- A drunk Matt Kessler.

3. Arby’s
A unique chain who’s food is unrivaled in the community. There really aren’t any here in New York, which is one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. I love Arby’s roast beef, but not real roast beef sandwiches, which makes me question what Arby’s roast beef is made out of.

2. Jimmy John’s
Quizno’s and Subway would love to lick Jimmy John’s ass. If you live near one, please, for the love of God, go enjoy it. I prefer the Italian sandwich, personally, of course with kettle chips and usually two of their pickles. They pickles are unequaled across the earth.

1. Chipotle
Maybe you don’t consider them a fast food chain, but I don’t care. I take subway rides out of my way to get it. In Kent, I’d eat it four times a week. In New York it’s usually only two. I mean, it’s relatively cheap, definitely fast, and is better than any “real” Mexican restaurant I’ve ever been in. Fight me over it, I dare you.

Top 15 Current Baseball Players: A Dream Team

The rules: One player per field position, five starting pitchers, and one closer. Please submit your own. I got Mighty Mike Burdette's, but I'd love to hear your's. Side note, I think I was okay with only taking a few Mets.

C: Russell Martin (Los Angeles Dodgers)
1B: Albert Pujols (Saint Louis Cardinals)
2B: Dustin Pedroia (Boston Red Sox)
SS: Jose Reyes (New York Mets)
3B: Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays)
LF: Alfonso Soriano (Chicago Cubs)
CF: Grady Sizemore (Cleveland Indians)
RF: Nick Markakis (Baltimore Orioles)
DH: Ryan Howard (Philadelphia Phillies)

SP: Johan Santana (New York Mets)
SP: CC Sabathia (New York Yankees)
SP: Roy Halladay (Toronto Blue Jays)
SP: Felix Hernandez (Seattle Mariners)
SP: Jake Peavy (San Diego Padres)
CL: Francisco Rodriguez (New York Mets)

Top 10 Hip Hop Artists That Are Saving the Genre

This list serves as a foil to the list about hip hop artists who are killing the genre. Please download these artists, but their albums, go to their shows, wear their shirts, etc. Google their names for Myspaces, etc.

10. MC Homeless
He might just be on here because I was good friends with him and played in an amazing grindcore band with him. Or maybe it’s because he can rock spoken word, has a quick delivery, and despite being a lo-fi, friendly, and approachable guy, has some really good beats behind his tracks, and actually writes some pretty good lyrics. He’s out in L.A. now, and I hope he takes the entire city in his fist. They’ll all fall for him when they hear Champagne Wishes, which fantastically samples The Smith’s How Soon is Now?.

9. MC Lars
He calls himself post-punk laptop rap. There’s a lot to admire about MC Lars. He’s a Stanford grad. He still lives with his parents in the Bay Area. He uses a lot of pop-punk in his beats. Each album features a song about a famous literary work (So farThe Raven, Moby Dick, and Hamlet have been done). He also has a great sense for sampling, and can really turn a pop or rock song into a great hip hop beat. He also tours almost exclusively with punk bands, bringing new kids to the genre. He certainly wouldn’t make a “Top 10 Rappers” list, but he’s certainly saving the genre, by giving hip hop new victims.

8. MC Chris
MC Chris is really in the same boat as MC Lars. Though he’s a much better rapper than MC Lars, technically speaking, anyway, he wouldn’t make a Top 10 Rappers list by a long shot. He does, however, have massive exposure to kids who probably don’t listen to hip hop via appearances on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He’s really like the Jesus of Nerd Core rap, which is a section of rap that really has an exclusive set of fans, meaning many Nerd Core fans don’t listen to main stream, and many main stream fans wouldn’t ever listen to Nerd Core.

7. Immortal Technique
He’s too dirty to be mainstream, but good Lord, can Immortal Technique rap, and write. As a man who grew up in Harlem, he has a chip on his shoulder towards the White, Republican majority that has power in the USA. His raps are equal parts “gangsta” profanity and Harvard level political discourse. One song includes both of the lines “Bust off on her face, and right after this segment, she’ll probably rub it in her pussy to try to get herself pregnant” and “Shallow mercenary, I don’t care how I get richer, like American companies that did business with Hitler”. It’s the juxtaposition that makes him so fantastic.

6. Aesop Rock
Aesop Rock has one of the best hip hop albums of all time, regardless of qualifications for the list. Labor Days was so fantastic that I never thought I’d listen to another CD again after I heard it for the first time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep up the pace and has released some duds. To be honest, his sports equivalent would be Manny Ramirez. Sure, he’s way past his prime now, but a few years ago he was theonly game in town, and redefined the game. Aesop Rock may have fallen off by now, but Labor Days lives on.

5. Sage Francis
Sage really doesn’t have one really solid album, but has a fantastic album’s worth of songs spread out over a couple of discs. A Healthy Distrust does have maybe 8 really good songs on it, though. The reason he’s this high is because he really is the forefront of both DIY hip hop and political focus. He was also the first rapper signed to Epitaph Records, a legendary punk record label. I’d credit a lot of this merger between scene/punk and hip hop is because a lot of kids saw this guy they’d never heard of on Epitaph, and decided to pick up his album, and proceeded to love it. He also played Warped Tour, a legendary punk tour, furthering his merger with punk rock, despite not really having any punk traces in his music.

4. Atmosphere / Slug
Atmosphere is a group. Slug is Atmosphere’s MC. Ant is the producer. Don’t point at Sean and say “Hey, there’s Atmosphere!”. I’ll hit you. And he’s like 7 feet tall. He’ll hit you, too. But Slug and Ant, known as Atmosphere, really invented “emo rap”, which a lot of people really hate. Unlike Aesop Rock, Atmosphere never really had a grand slam album, but their importance is really related to longevity. Atmosphere has maybe a dozen songs that are totally off the chart amazing, but that’s spread out over dozens of albums. God Loves Ugly is usually cited as their best, and I’d have to agree.

3. Kanye West
Come on, let me hear it. You fucking hate Kanye? Heartless is a terrible song? First off, no, it’s not, you just have a close minded taste in music. Second, Kanye is by far the most important and controversial name in hip hop right now, and rather than churn out generic shit rap hits (I’m looking at you, Lil Wayne), he has continued to try different things, progress, and evolve. I love all of Kanye’s music, and love that he mixes up genres, collaborates, and keeps everything fresh. Add in the influence he’s had over style the past few years, and you can’t argue with his impact at all. Go ahead, tell me that you don’t like his music. I don’t care. You’re just unrefined.

2. Mickey Avalon
It’s tough to talk about Mickey Avalon. He’s probably the new generation of “gangsta” rap. Except, while he’s rapping about fucking your bitch, he’s telling true tales about being a gay prostitute. He’s very, very witty, and has a unique, slowed delivery that really sets him apart from others in the genre. Please download his self-titled album and enjoy it, like I have.

1. Ceschi Ramos
I’ve also played on the same stage as him, but that has nothing to do with it. Ceschi might be the most amazing musician on the planet. I could name ten of his bands, each with a different genre, and each album amazing. His albums are completely cross genre, with some songs touching on jazz, metal, alternative rock, reggae, and even folk (including a song, Optical Illusion, that is completely a folk tune, including mandolin and egg shaker). His album They Hate Francisco False really should be the album of the year for ever year until he releases a new full length. I guarantee you’d love it if you’d listen to it. He packs speed (he can rap faster than you can hear), unbelievable lyrics (better than at least half of the Poet Laureates, no hyperbole, I swear), and musical diversity (pick a genre, he raps / sings / and plays it). Oh, he also has a huge group of incredibly talented friends that like to help out.

Top 10 Bands That Should Have Quit While Ahead

First, a few notes.

Thanks again for all the positive (and lack of) negative comments on the lists in general. I appreciate the support as I annoy you and waste your time. Now, on to the list.

Thanks to Melissa for this idea, it really hit the spot. As an explanation, this list ranks the bands and musicians that were at one point very, very good, and ended up very, very bad. Had they stopped somewhere along the way, their legacy would be preserved. As a reminder to how this works, number 10 would be the band that fell from grace the least, and number 1 fell the most.

10. The Who
Should Have Stopped After: Quadrophenia (1973)

9. Everyone in Blink-182
Should Have Stopped After: Blink-182 (2003), before any of them released any material as +44 or Angels and Airwaves

8. Radiohead
Should Have Stopped After: Ever deciding to form a band and torture my generation with the abominations they claim to be “innovative music”.

7. Bob Dylan
Should Have Stopped After: Slow Train Coming (1979)

6. Guns N Roses
Should Have Stopped After: Appetite for Destruction (1987)

5. Prince
Should Have Stopped After: Purple Rain (1984)

4. U2
Should Have Stopped After: Auchtung Baby (1991)

3. Gwen Stefani
Should Have Stopped After: Probably Tragic Kingdom (1995), but definitely Rock Steady (2001)

2. Eminem
Should Have Stopped After: The Marshall Mathers LP (2000)

1. Michael Jackson
Should Have Stopped After: Thriller (1982)

Top 10 Seinfeld Episodes

Seinfeld is the greatest television show of all time. 9 Seasons, 180 Episodes of pure genius. To be honest, the show is so good that a Top 10 list of best episodes in almost arbitrary. In three months, this list may very well be different depending on what seasons I’m watching more then. I feel though, that these are ten episodes I can turn on anytime and laugh my way through. Many of them include memorable lines, or plots so ridiculous and awesome that they are hard to fathom. If you are a Seinfeldfan please leave your Top 10 in the comments.

10. The Rye (S07E10)
9. The Cartoon (S09E12)
8. The Dinner Party (S05E12)
7. The Heart Attack (S02E8)
6. The Bottle Deposit (S07E20+21)
5. The Contest (S04E10)
4. The Switch (S06E10)
3. The Outing (S04E16)
2. The Alternate Side (S03E10)
1. The Strong Box (S09E13)

Top 10 Bands That Prove God Hates Us and Wants Us to Suffer

10. Pat Boone
He would be higher on the list but he’s really not making music any more. A quick Wikipedia search will tell you that not only does he white wash music that we may consider “racial,” he’s also a devoted Christian fanatical douchebag. His self-proclaimed biggest fan is evangelical TV preacher Jack Hayford. And in 2006 he said that those who opposed the Iraq War couldn’t ever be considered patriotic. So have fun with that. Also, he used to live next to Ozzy Osbourne.

9. Color Me Badd
From Oklahoma, the land that God forgot, comes Color Me Badd. They officially disbanded in 2000, but not before releasing I Wanna Sex You Up which is basically three or so minutes of over produced white-neo-urban-pop-R&B pseudo porn. Just nothing good about any of it. They also were almost single handedly responsible for the boy band boom in the late 90s thanks to their success in the early 90s.

8. Nickelback
Oh lordy, do I hate Nickelback. And basically anyone I’ve ever met also hates them. I’m not sure how they sold a single record, but last count, they’ve sold millions and millions and millions and millions of fucking albums. Seriously. What the fuck. That’s not even a question. It’s a statement.

7. Kenny G
Okay, so he’s basically a parody of a real musician, and has been the butt of every joke since forever. I can’t even add anything. The problem is, he sells records. I hate him. I don’t sell records, but even if I did, I’d hate him. I mean, don’t you?

6. Coldplay
Out of all the bands on this list, Coldplay is probably the most mainstream, relevant, and unfortunately, popular. But let’s be clear. They’ve always been royally terrible. I mean, it’s bald. It’s whitewashed. It’s a weaker, slower version of Radiohead. And Radiohead is so awful I’d rather cut open my genitals than listen to a whole record of theirs. And Coldplay is worse than that.

5. Yanni
This might be a bit of a knock on the man. I mean, he’s put out a lot of albums, and he really stays out of the mainstream, because as far as I can tell, he understands we all hate him. I mean, he’s a Big Ten college grad (U. of Minnesota), and he’s completely self taught. Which is all respectable. However, he looked at John Tesh and decided that he would be an excellent band mate. Also, he regularly pimps for PBS. This list will certainly show him for helping a good cause!

4. Michael Bolton
HOLY LORD, Michael Bolton sucks. After seeing him on some of the VH1 “I Love the...” shows, I realized he has a sense of humor about how he sucks, and writes songs for fat 45 year old women, but that doesn’t excuse him. Not at all.

3. Celine Dion
Now, I hate Canadiens, but she deserves to be on this list for that Titanic song along. Aside from that, she caused that SNL skit where someone parodied Celine Dion and had a talk show, and that reoccurring skit was one of the worst things ever. It’s so bad that in the first draft of this I wrote “shit” instead of “skit” and Spell Check had no problem with it. Even Spell Check knows.

2. Creed
I asked three people who should be on this list, and they all said Creed first. So, Creed’s first. Except I vetoed them. So Creed’s second. Maybe it’s not fair. But you know what? They took grunge, made it even worse, added a Christian edge, and then shit it out across the United States. A very good friend of mine was into Creed in 7th grade. I won’t shout him out, but he knows who he is. They’re just terrible. And then they broke up, and Scott Stapp went solo, and the rest of the band became Alter Bridge, and both were as bad as Creed. It goes to show: shit minus shit still equals shit.

1. Insane Clown Posse
Juggalos. Google them. Look them up. Look up ICP. Or it’s record label. Or their professional wrestling league. Read up on them and come argue with me. That is all.

Top 10 Music Videos of All Time

Yes. Mtv. Music Television. Yes, throw in cliche jokes about how Mtv doesn't play videos anymore. I don't care. Music videos used to really be relevant. I remember when I was younger and my first exposure to songs was generally through music videos, because at that point I wasn't really listening to the radio. Anyway, below are my top ten choices for best music videos of all time, and for the first time ever, an honorable mentions section.

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10. Here I Go Again, Whitesnake

9. Smack My Bitch Up, Prodigy

8. Freak on a Leash, KoRn

7. Sabotage, Beastie Boys

6. Don’t Come Around Here No More, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

5. Here It Goes Again, OK Go

4. Sledehammer, Peter Gabriel

3. Buddy Holly, Weezer

2. Weapon of Choice, Fatboy Slim

1. Thriller, Michael Jackson

Honorable Mentions: Take on Me, A-Ha; Hurt, Johnny Cash

Top 10 Albums of the 1980s

10. It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, Public Enemy

9. Closer, Joy Division

8. Back in Black, AC/DC

7. Run D.M.C., Run D.M.C.

6. 1984, Van Halen

5. Graceland, Paul Simon

4. Surfer Rosa, The Pixies

3. Born in the U.S.A., Bruce Springsteen

2. Violent Femmes, Violent Femmes

1. Thriller, Michael Jackson

Top 10 Cartoon Series of All Time

10. Tom & Jerry

Best Episode: Episode 13: The Zoot Cat

This one holds a deep place in my heart. My favorite childhood stuffed animal was a Jerry. The first book I remember my mom giving me was a big, hardcover coffee table book about the show. The mashups of action and classical music are still unique and entertaining to this day.

9. The Flintstones

Best Episode: Season 1, Episode 25: In the Dough

If anyone ever asks you what the first cartoon marketed to adults was, the answer is The Flintstones. They were sponsored by a tobacco company, and regularly appeared in cigarette commercials, which you can still find on YouTube. What made the cartoon truly great were all of the “old fashioned” gadgets that were made up by the dinosaurs, and they’d always zoom in on the dinosaur and he’d go “You think your job stinks” and there’d be a trombone sound in the background. A simple formula, but comic gold.

8. Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Best Episode: Season 4, Episode 6: Party All the Time

This is probably pound for pound the least famous, and least popular cartoon on the list, but it has a devout cult following. It takes place in New Jersey, where three Detectives (though the show has pretty much abandoned that angle) are living as roommates. Of course, the main characters are Frylock, a floating box of french fries, Master Shake, a five foot tall milkshake, and Meatwad, a small ball of meat that can transform into an igloo and hot dog shape. For me, what makes it great is its originality, and the outlandish nature of the plots and casts of characters. My favorite character is definitely Carl, who’s deadpan voice and misanthropic nature lend itself to some classic lines (“I put two and two together and decided you’re pissing me off.”) Not to mention his love of sleezy women and 80s Metal (such as Foreigner). Plus the show has had some fantastic guest stars, namely Andrew W.K. and Danzig.

7. Family Guy

Best Episode: Season 2, Episode 14: Let’s Go to the Hop

Okay, let’s make this clear. I don’t find this show funny at all anymore, and most of this information and commentary will be me talking shit. Like The Flintstones, it relies heavily on a formula, namely setting up disconnected flashbacks often based around puns or “the last time we...”. One of the things that made it unique in the beginning were the musical numbers, but I think the show is relying on those too much now, too. Don’t get me wrong. Prom Night Dumpster Baby is fucking funny as Hell. But after watching a few episodes the formula of story telling can be tiring. That aside, there are some points that are just chest burstingly hilarious, such as any moment where Adam West is doing anything, which earn it a spot on the list.

6. Fairly OddParents

Best Episode: Season 2, Episode 22: Cosmo Con / Wanda’s Day Off!

I’ll give you a clue. Spongebob Squarepants is not on this list. And the reason is that Fairly OddParents is so much funnier, but lacks the cutesy pajama pants at Target, etc. The cartoon subscribes to the Shrek formula, which is content that children of a range of ages can enjoy, as well as references that adults can laugh at, too. Recently they’ve added new characters and the show has started to go off, but if I’m surfing the channel I’ll always stop on this show. The show has a dynamite cast of supporting characters, including Ben Stein as the business-all-the-time Pixies, and Kris Kirpatrick as Chip Skylark, the famous boy-band superstar who’s always singing about teeth and dental hygiene. Adam West is also featured in this show as Catman, who is just ridiculous.

5. South Park

Best Episode: Season 5, Episode 1: Scott Tenorman Must Die

Johnny Cash Syndrome. That’s South Park in three words. Yes, the Scott Tenormen episode will make you pee your pants. Yes, they’ve had some classic episodes. But, South Park is really hit or miss, which has unfortunately limited its ceiling. And lately the show has basically just begun parodying whatever is in the news and adding crude jokes to go along with the story. The episodes that parodied Family Guy truly were genius, and the first few seasons are classic, but I feel like it’s taken a huge step down in the past few years, which is too bad.

4. Rugrats

Best Episode: Season 1, Episode 11: Touchdown Tommy

Another classic Nickelodeon show. The best episode: the Super Bowl one where one of the babies gets a bottle of chocolate milk, and they all start fighting over it, and the action in the pen mimics the action in the Super Bowl, with the play-by-play from the game being broadcast over the babies struggle to keep their bottle. I know that in the end they started to add characters and the show generally became shitty, but in general the characters were well developed, including the parents. It always struck me odd that Tommy was such a MacGuyver-esque genius, yet his father Stu, a toy inventor, couldn’t invent his way out of a wet paper bag.

3. Futurama

Best Episode: Season 2, Episode 4: Fry and the Slurm Factory

This was cancelled way before it’s prime. Similar to Arrested Development, Futurama was brilliant but couldn’t muster the ratings and revenue to keep it on TV. In the wake of its demise almost every episode has become a classic. Like the Flintstones and the Jetsons before it, Futurama got mileage out of taking modern inconveniences and putting them in a different time. Add in the space travel, stream of minor characters that filled different niches, and really I could watch this show all day.

2. Rocko’s Modern Life

Best Episode: Season 1, Episode 6: Trash-O-Madness

The third Nickelodeon cartoon on this list, and far and away the best. I watch these episodes even today, as a 21 year old, and can’t believe this was every marketed to children. So many of the jokes and concepts were really over my head as a kid, but the cartoon was done so well that I didn’t even notice, and still loved the show. It contained a lot of commentary on modern society, especially consumerism, and the animation seemed to be bad on purpose. In fact, the cartoon contained no parallel lines. The writing was chocked full of double entendres and sexual innuendos, and I recently read that a lot of the jokes have been edited in rebroadcast, which is a shame.

1. The Simpsons

Best Episode: All of Season 8

You can’t beat The Simpsons. It might not be the original, but after 20+ years it’s still going strong, and has dozens of classic episodes that even casual fans can recount years later. The Simpsons are to cartoons and television in general as The Beatles are to rock ‘n roll. I don’t care who you are, you know there are at least five episodes you love. And the fact that some of those might come from Season 8, Season 10, Season 13 is more impressive than people realize. People knock The Simpsons for “not being funny for years”, which I disagree with in general, though I can admit there is a time, roughly around Season 14 that the writing generally declines. That being said, The Simpsons still turned out 13 seasons of absolutely amazing episodes. Hundreds of great guest stars, every plot twist imaginable and then some, and catch phrases and characters that never grow old. The Simpsons is plain and simple a powerhouse. Most of the cartoons on this list that came after The Simpsons started stole/borrowed ideas, concepts, techniques, or plots from them. I could write for pages on the brilliance of The Simpsons and their timeless genius, but I’ll keep myself from rambling.