Big ups to Allen Cox, he challenged me to this list. And I delivered. Suck on that, friends!
10. Back Then, Mike Jones
2005 really was a more innocent time. A time when some meathead dumbass could release an album with his name in the title (Who is Mike Jones?) and slap together a couple of verses and attach it to an overly self-indulgent chorus, and we, as American rap consumers,
9. My Humps, Black Eyed Peas
Sweet lordy, I hate the Black Eyed Peas. One of my biggest musical pet peaves is groups that survived based on having a hot woman in them. (I’m looking at you, No Doubt post Tragic Kingdom). Fergie is that essential piece to the Black Eyed Peas that took them from generic suck rap group to famous suck rap group. Oh yeah, this song sounds like it was a rough draft by one of my 7th grade students. For example:
What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What you gon' do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I'm a make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream.
I mean, come on. And that was on the radio for damn near forever!
8. Right Thurr, Chingy
This set us all down a slippery slope, and hits all of the checklist. Butchering of syllables? Check. Simple rhymes based on genetalia and the stackedness of women? Check. Random changes of subject matter due to lack of rhyming words or words that can’t be altered? Check. Evan dying inside every time he hears it? Check-fucking-plus.
7. Crank That, Soulja Boy Tell Em
This is another song that appeals to the new trend of a small, minimal beat stuck on repeat. There really isn’t any difference between the verses and the choruses, and it’s hard to tell where one starts and the other ends or begins or who the Hell even knows. A lot of this song’s popularity is related to the fact that it has an equally retarded dance going along with it. Sort of like The Hustle, except even more annoying somewhere. I doubt the next generation will be cranking that soulja boy at roller rinks, though.
6. Lollipop, Lil Wayne
Oh, how I hate Lil Wayne. Actually, that’s not totally true. He’s great on Around the Horn and in ESPN The Magazine. And his tattoos on his face crack me up. I mean, how gangster does he think he is? Well, he’s gonna sing this one, with loads of vocoder (see T. Pain for more detail). Some of it reads like he’s trying to see how much he can get away with and still sell a gagillion records.
5. Laffy Taffy, D4L
This was the song that proved to me that you can take any word in the English language, slur it, put it over a fake 8-bit beat, and vaguely that it means the rear end of women, and BAM! summer time hit that every idiot in America will repeat endlessly.
4. London Bridges, Fergie
Fergie’s second appearance on this list. I’m not sure who told her she can rap. Probably dudes that wanted to plow her. She can’t rap. But with the Black Eyed Peas, when she was on stage with a dude who looked like a horse, you let it slide, cause she’s good looking (Remember, she has humps). However, throw her up on a track alone, and the verbal diarrhea combined with awful rhymes and a bland beat she jacked from Gwen Stefani’s house, and here we are.
3. American Life, Madonna
Madonna. Rapping. And yes, she was serious. Enough said.
2. Buy You A Drank, T. Pain
When we’re being totally honest, this is not the worst song on this list. Nor is it the second worst. BUT you must take into account the influence some songs have over the genre, and T. Pain has introduced hip hop to the vocoder, which mainstream media has dubbed “auto-tune”. Now, that’s incorrect because an auto-tune changes your pitch to match another pitch (tuning it), but the vocoder makes your voice shifty and wavy. It’s the same effect that makes Frampton’s guitar “talk”. That’s right folks. T. Pain has more in common with Framton Comes Alive that you’ll ever know. And know he’s introduced a whole slew of shitty faux-rappers to this technology so they can throw down on slow down R&B tracks to baby mamas and general whores that they encounter. Thanks, T. Pain.
1. Big Pimpin’, Jay-Z
When I heard this song, it hit me. Jay-Z, for all intents and purposes, was dead. The HOVA, the man who wore his cap real low and wouldn’t let you search his trunk, the man who had all that dirt on his shoulder, he was no more. He was churning out shitty summer rap hits. I swear, to this day, I hear this song, and the pseudo-white suburban teenager in me dies a little more.
Showing posts with label hip hop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hip hop. Show all posts
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Top 10 Hip Hop Artists That Are Saving the Genre
This list serves as a foil to the list about hip hop artists who are killing the genre. Please download these artists, but their albums, go to their shows, wear their shirts, etc. Google their names for Myspaces, etc.
10. MC Homeless
He might just be on here because I was good friends with him and played in an amazing grindcore band with him. Or maybe it’s because he can rock spoken word, has a quick delivery, and despite being a lo-fi, friendly, and approachable guy, has some really good beats behind his tracks, and actually writes some pretty good lyrics. He’s out in L.A. now, and I hope he takes the entire city in his fist. They’ll all fall for him when they hear Champagne Wishes, which fantastically samples The Smith’s How Soon is Now?.
9. MC Lars
He calls himself post-punk laptop rap. There’s a lot to admire about MC Lars. He’s a Stanford grad. He still lives with his parents in the Bay Area. He uses a lot of pop-punk in his beats. Each album features a song about a famous literary work (So farThe Raven, Moby Dick, and Hamlet have been done). He also has a great sense for sampling, and can really turn a pop or rock song into a great hip hop beat. He also tours almost exclusively with punk bands, bringing new kids to the genre. He certainly wouldn’t make a “Top 10 Rappers” list, but he’s certainly saving the genre, by giving hip hop new victims.
8. MC Chris
MC Chris is really in the same boat as MC Lars. Though he’s a much better rapper than MC Lars, technically speaking, anyway, he wouldn’t make a Top 10 Rappers list by a long shot. He does, however, have massive exposure to kids who probably don’t listen to hip hop via appearances on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He’s really like the Jesus of Nerd Core rap, which is a section of rap that really has an exclusive set of fans, meaning many Nerd Core fans don’t listen to main stream, and many main stream fans wouldn’t ever listen to Nerd Core.
7. Immortal Technique
He’s too dirty to be mainstream, but good Lord, can Immortal Technique rap, and write. As a man who grew up in Harlem, he has a chip on his shoulder towards the White, Republican majority that has power in the USA. His raps are equal parts “gangsta” profanity and Harvard level political discourse. One song includes both of the lines “Bust off on her face, and right after this segment, she’ll probably rub it in her pussy to try to get herself pregnant” and “Shallow mercenary, I don’t care how I get richer, like American companies that did business with Hitler”. It’s the juxtaposition that makes him so fantastic.
6. Aesop Rock
Aesop Rock has one of the best hip hop albums of all time, regardless of qualifications for the list. Labor Days was so fantastic that I never thought I’d listen to another CD again after I heard it for the first time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep up the pace and has released some duds. To be honest, his sports equivalent would be Manny Ramirez. Sure, he’s way past his prime now, but a few years ago he was theonly game in town, and redefined the game. Aesop Rock may have fallen off by now, but Labor Days lives on.
5. Sage Francis
Sage really doesn’t have one really solid album, but has a fantastic album’s worth of songs spread out over a couple of discs. A Healthy Distrust does have maybe 8 really good songs on it, though. The reason he’s this high is because he really is the forefront of both DIY hip hop and political focus. He was also the first rapper signed to Epitaph Records, a legendary punk record label. I’d credit a lot of this merger between scene/punk and hip hop is because a lot of kids saw this guy they’d never heard of on Epitaph, and decided to pick up his album, and proceeded to love it. He also played Warped Tour, a legendary punk tour, furthering his merger with punk rock, despite not really having any punk traces in his music.
4. Atmosphere / Slug
Atmosphere is a group. Slug is Atmosphere’s MC. Ant is the producer. Don’t point at Sean and say “Hey, there’s Atmosphere!”. I’ll hit you. And he’s like 7 feet tall. He’ll hit you, too. But Slug and Ant, known as Atmosphere, really invented “emo rap”, which a lot of people really hate. Unlike Aesop Rock, Atmosphere never really had a grand slam album, but their importance is really related to longevity. Atmosphere has maybe a dozen songs that are totally off the chart amazing, but that’s spread out over dozens of albums. God Loves Ugly is usually cited as their best, and I’d have to agree.
3. Kanye West
Come on, let me hear it. You fucking hate Kanye? Heartless is a terrible song? First off, no, it’s not, you just have a close minded taste in music. Second, Kanye is by far the most important and controversial name in hip hop right now, and rather than churn out generic shit rap hits (I’m looking at you, Lil Wayne), he has continued to try different things, progress, and evolve. I love all of Kanye’s music, and love that he mixes up genres, collaborates, and keeps everything fresh. Add in the influence he’s had over style the past few years, and you can’t argue with his impact at all. Go ahead, tell me that you don’t like his music. I don’t care. You’re just unrefined.
2. Mickey Avalon
It’s tough to talk about Mickey Avalon. He’s probably the new generation of “gangsta” rap. Except, while he’s rapping about fucking your bitch, he’s telling true tales about being a gay prostitute. He’s very, very witty, and has a unique, slowed delivery that really sets him apart from others in the genre. Please download his self-titled album and enjoy it, like I have.
1. Ceschi Ramos
I’ve also played on the same stage as him, but that has nothing to do with it. Ceschi might be the most amazing musician on the planet. I could name ten of his bands, each with a different genre, and each album amazing. His albums are completely cross genre, with some songs touching on jazz, metal, alternative rock, reggae, and even folk (including a song, Optical Illusion, that is completely a folk tune, including mandolin and egg shaker). His album They Hate Francisco False really should be the album of the year for ever year until he releases a new full length. I guarantee you’d love it if you’d listen to it. He packs speed (he can rap faster than you can hear), unbelievable lyrics (better than at least half of the Poet Laureates, no hyperbole, I swear), and musical diversity (pick a genre, he raps / sings / and plays it). Oh, he also has a huge group of incredibly talented friends that like to help out.
10. MC Homeless
He might just be on here because I was good friends with him and played in an amazing grindcore band with him. Or maybe it’s because he can rock spoken word, has a quick delivery, and despite being a lo-fi, friendly, and approachable guy, has some really good beats behind his tracks, and actually writes some pretty good lyrics. He’s out in L.A. now, and I hope he takes the entire city in his fist. They’ll all fall for him when they hear Champagne Wishes, which fantastically samples The Smith’s How Soon is Now?.
9. MC Lars
He calls himself post-punk laptop rap. There’s a lot to admire about MC Lars. He’s a Stanford grad. He still lives with his parents in the Bay Area. He uses a lot of pop-punk in his beats. Each album features a song about a famous literary work (So farThe Raven, Moby Dick, and Hamlet have been done). He also has a great sense for sampling, and can really turn a pop or rock song into a great hip hop beat. He also tours almost exclusively with punk bands, bringing new kids to the genre. He certainly wouldn’t make a “Top 10 Rappers” list, but he’s certainly saving the genre, by giving hip hop new victims.
8. MC Chris
MC Chris is really in the same boat as MC Lars. Though he’s a much better rapper than MC Lars, technically speaking, anyway, he wouldn’t make a Top 10 Rappers list by a long shot. He does, however, have massive exposure to kids who probably don’t listen to hip hop via appearances on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He’s really like the Jesus of Nerd Core rap, which is a section of rap that really has an exclusive set of fans, meaning many Nerd Core fans don’t listen to main stream, and many main stream fans wouldn’t ever listen to Nerd Core.
7. Immortal Technique
He’s too dirty to be mainstream, but good Lord, can Immortal Technique rap, and write. As a man who grew up in Harlem, he has a chip on his shoulder towards the White, Republican majority that has power in the USA. His raps are equal parts “gangsta” profanity and Harvard level political discourse. One song includes both of the lines “Bust off on her face, and right after this segment, she’ll probably rub it in her pussy to try to get herself pregnant” and “Shallow mercenary, I don’t care how I get richer, like American companies that did business with Hitler”. It’s the juxtaposition that makes him so fantastic.
6. Aesop Rock
Aesop Rock has one of the best hip hop albums of all time, regardless of qualifications for the list. Labor Days was so fantastic that I never thought I’d listen to another CD again after I heard it for the first time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep up the pace and has released some duds. To be honest, his sports equivalent would be Manny Ramirez. Sure, he’s way past his prime now, but a few years ago he was theonly game in town, and redefined the game. Aesop Rock may have fallen off by now, but Labor Days lives on.
5. Sage Francis
Sage really doesn’t have one really solid album, but has a fantastic album’s worth of songs spread out over a couple of discs. A Healthy Distrust does have maybe 8 really good songs on it, though. The reason he’s this high is because he really is the forefront of both DIY hip hop and political focus. He was also the first rapper signed to Epitaph Records, a legendary punk record label. I’d credit a lot of this merger between scene/punk and hip hop is because a lot of kids saw this guy they’d never heard of on Epitaph, and decided to pick up his album, and proceeded to love it. He also played Warped Tour, a legendary punk tour, furthering his merger with punk rock, despite not really having any punk traces in his music.
4. Atmosphere / Slug
Atmosphere is a group. Slug is Atmosphere’s MC. Ant is the producer. Don’t point at Sean and say “Hey, there’s Atmosphere!”. I’ll hit you. And he’s like 7 feet tall. He’ll hit you, too. But Slug and Ant, known as Atmosphere, really invented “emo rap”, which a lot of people really hate. Unlike Aesop Rock, Atmosphere never really had a grand slam album, but their importance is really related to longevity. Atmosphere has maybe a dozen songs that are totally off the chart amazing, but that’s spread out over dozens of albums. God Loves Ugly is usually cited as their best, and I’d have to agree.
3. Kanye West
Come on, let me hear it. You fucking hate Kanye? Heartless is a terrible song? First off, no, it’s not, you just have a close minded taste in music. Second, Kanye is by far the most important and controversial name in hip hop right now, and rather than churn out generic shit rap hits (I’m looking at you, Lil Wayne), he has continued to try different things, progress, and evolve. I love all of Kanye’s music, and love that he mixes up genres, collaborates, and keeps everything fresh. Add in the influence he’s had over style the past few years, and you can’t argue with his impact at all. Go ahead, tell me that you don’t like his music. I don’t care. You’re just unrefined.
2. Mickey Avalon
It’s tough to talk about Mickey Avalon. He’s probably the new generation of “gangsta” rap. Except, while he’s rapping about fucking your bitch, he’s telling true tales about being a gay prostitute. He’s very, very witty, and has a unique, slowed delivery that really sets him apart from others in the genre. Please download his self-titled album and enjoy it, like I have.
1. Ceschi Ramos
I’ve also played on the same stage as him, but that has nothing to do with it. Ceschi might be the most amazing musician on the planet. I could name ten of his bands, each with a different genre, and each album amazing. His albums are completely cross genre, with some songs touching on jazz, metal, alternative rock, reggae, and even folk (including a song, Optical Illusion, that is completely a folk tune, including mandolin and egg shaker). His album They Hate Francisco False really should be the album of the year for ever year until he releases a new full length. I guarantee you’d love it if you’d listen to it. He packs speed (he can rap faster than you can hear), unbelievable lyrics (better than at least half of the Poet Laureates, no hyperbole, I swear), and musical diversity (pick a genre, he raps / sings / and plays it). Oh, he also has a huge group of incredibly talented friends that like to help out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
