Top 10 Metal Songs of the 1980s (That We're Afraid to Admit We Like)

Oh, the 1980s. Its kitsch and overly campy nature made it one of the best decades in both music and movies. Top 10 Movies of the 1980s is definitely a list waiting to happen. But the music of the 1980s. It might not ever be topped. And one genre reigned supreme, from the Strip in LA to NYC: Metal. Be it Glam Metal, Hair Metal, whatever you want to call it, 80s Metal to this day cuts right to the chase with glittery guitar solos and mascara-laden vocals, deep loud snares and competent bass work. And what's amazing is that the bands and songs that were legends and anthems then are so embarrassing to us now, especially if you're not still dressing like Don Johnson from Miami Vice. I know I have all of these songs on my iPhone, but when I'm listening to them I hide the screen so people on the train can't see what it is that's making me bang my head.

As always, post your top 10, your comments, your hatred or love for my picks, and let me hear what you, the people, have to say about it.

10. Dude (Looks Like a Lady), Aerosmith

Supposedly this song was written about Vince Neil, lead singer of Motley Crue. As the story goes, Aerosmith met the boys in Crue and they were all saying the word "dude" repeatedly. This, combined with how fucking ridiculous Vince Neil looked, lead Steven Tyler and co. to pen a song filled with gentle mockery.

9. Rock You Like a Hurricane, Scorpions

Scorpions are actually a band from Germany, which few realize because of the singer's lack of an accent. Accent or not, this song kicks a ton of ass, and it requires being turned all the way up on the stereo so you can sing along in your car as you drive to a mundane job wishing you had done better in college. It's title, and lead lyric, is vaguely bawdy, but still powerful and catchy.

8. Love Stinks, J. Geil's Band

You could probably really argue with the "hair metal"-ness of this track, but I think it has all of the ingredients. Super-effected guitars? Check. Short, easy, repeatable chorus? Check. Psuedo-girly looking men being chased after by chicks from Jersey? Check. To be honest, Centerfold is probably a better song, but is definitely not even vaguely metal.

7. Dr. Feelgood, Motley Crue

The verses in this song are a little weak, and Vince Neil wasn't ever one of my favorite frontmen, but goddamn, this chorus will stick with you for a week if you're not careful. I hear there are still people in Bedlam Asylum singing the line "He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood, He's the one that makes you feel all right." Add in Tommy Lee on the drums and some overtly unnecessary guitar solos, and you have a stone cold classic.

6. Jump, Van Halen

People don't give this song, the album (1984) or Van Halen enough credit for how they altered rock 'n roll. Sure, they could have kept up their formula, but instead they added in that synthesizer. As the band would recount later, they had the music, but needed the lyrics to go with it. The bright, poppy overtones lended itself to a positive verb, and Jump was born. This album deserves to be up with Nevermind as far as changing music. That synth is that important, especially when you see a synth in almost every band that comes of age nowadays.

5. Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard

Nine-Arm jokes aside, who can argue with this track? And ironically, it's the strong, deep, forceful bass and snare combo that really sets this song apart. From the gibberish being mixed around at the beginning to that gut-crunching riff in the verse, Def Leppard somehow found a way to write a song so good that we'll forgive them how retarded they spell their name. And I don't care if you've lived under a rock for fifty years, you know the melody to the chorus, and you know that you want some sugar poured on you.

4. Cum on Feel the Noize, Quiet Riot

This song was just on my lift of best cover songs. It was originally written by a band named Slade. Quiet Riot took it, added some 1980s metal-fantasticness to it, and kicked Slade's ass out the door. The chorus is insanely catchy, and the simple verses make it very easy to learn the words, for full in-car sing along abilities. The strained vocals and background-chanting are what really pull me in.

3. Cherry Pie, Warrant

This one really makes it in here on a technicality. It wasn't released until 1990 but it was recorded and finished in 1989, which to me makes it count in the 1980s. I mean, it's just so 80s, how can you consider it anything different? I know that the video is what made it really famous, but I've seen naked women before, so I'm not too impressed with it. But the singular bell ride with that strong bass-snare backing up the crunching guitars hooks me every time. And when you add in that the song is so vulgar without actually swearing, it's just... it's just amazing.

2. Wanted (Dead or Alive), Bon Jovi

Metal men have a softer side. Some were rebels. Some lived out on the open road. It wasn't all loud distortion. They could bring the acoustic twang, too. And the intro to Bon Jovi's hit Wanted (Dead or Alive) always makes me want to drive down a dust covered dirt road in black and white. Add in the progression that grows throughout the whole song, and it turns into the slowdown jam at every party that you break out when you need a breather but don't want to stop singing. And if you love to air guitar, then this is the song you should practice to. You have the impressive acoustic arpeggios, but then the kick ass solos that bust in a few times.

1. We're Not Gonna Take It, Twisted Sister

Say what you want about Dee Snider. I love him. And always will. He had filed teeth. He dressed like a nightmarish drag queen doll that went through several wardrobe changes, except never took anything off. But you can't deny that he knew how to write an anthem. And what an anthem this is. It just leaks pure testosterone. It lends itself to chanting and fist pumping. Break this out at a party, and I don't care who's there or what they're doing, but when that chorus comes up everyone is jumping in place, fists banging in the air, screaming those five words over and over again.

And because every good metal head knows you always crank it up to 11...

BONUS! Don't Stop Believing, Journey

Okay, maybe not so metal. But it has all of the over the top aspects that any good metal song needs. Long, slow build up; fast, almost-out of place guitar solos; catchy chorus; and as a bonus, everyone on earth knows the first verse, and will stop what they're doing to belt it out. Yeah, she took the midnight train going anywhere. Yeah, some will win and some will lose. But it doesn't matter. We're never going to stop believing. And we will always hold on to that feeling.